sat in my office this afternoon, overtaxing subversion, wondering how i wound up in a place where documentation became a political act. where doing the right thing is burning off vacation and just not being there because as long as i’m there, i can only be a target and i can only make the others a target. just by showing up. because someone else didn’t and chose to take a very low road. so i’ll just remove myself from that early.
and that’s a lie. i can’t breathe in that building. i can’t sit in another room with people trying not to cry while we’re talking about xml, trying to save the jobs of people who don’t know how much risk they’re in. two months was my limit. i can’t do it anymore. tried all summer knowing if we failed, when we failed, it’s my job gone and no one can say how many others.
i’m just a dev.
there’s pond scum on this project with more clout.
the new director is terrified when she sees me. and people have started counting. seven gone in six months. you can see it in their faces when they get there. it’s not fun. and the worst part is knowing that, no matter what, i don’t have a place there with the changes the new director is about to make. all that fight for a place that i won’t belong in. but i like some of those people and they deserve better than they’re getting.
this is not right.
the documentation is getting a little bitter. i carried a lot for low road. not going to carry the failure.
the nine hours of interview for the poachers was less stressful than this. actually kind of fun. interesting people up there. so i am going to continue to trust l. as hard as that is for me right now. and buy a ton of ikea bookshelves. been a long time since i added to my allen wrench collection.